If He Wanted to, He Would (Biblical)

the sacred heart represents Jesus Christs' divine love for humanity

Today, after going to the cobbler, I stopped in to see my New York grandpa. We always talk about the weather, food, and our love lives.

He knew that my most recent relationship wouldn't work out and we meditated on how "people aren't the same anymore, men don't come up to women and say 'hello, I think you're beautiful, i'd like to take you on a date' and women get scared when they do" and when you talk to someone older than you about "the state of things," you should be prepared to have a conversation like that too.

Things are always changing.

He sent me home with a prayer and a new meditation on love. You can have great sex with anyone (true). But he said that you have to find someone who sees your goals and supports you in them. Someone that wants to help you achieve your goals. My parents are like that. My father helps my mother with a lot of things. My Grandparents are like that. My Grandpa builds little things around the house to make my Grandma's life easier.

I don't know what I'm attracted to. Whether it's ambition or honesty or big earnest eyes or someone I can't have. While writing out my five year plan, I wrote that it was time to "stop being attracted to people who are emotionally or geographically unavailable."

I don't think I even want what I can't have. I think I'm afraid to be had. To be held. And to be known.

There are all sorts of ways to fall in love. There are a lot in the Bible too. Arranged marriages. An algorithm that matches you. I say I believe in true love a lot. But I don't think I've every felt it. That "know when you know" and when I thought I did know it was limerence and limbo and aimlessness.

In the Bible, Jacob sees Rachel and falls in love immediately. He works for seven years to earn her hand in marriage, and when he's deceived into marrying her sister, he works for seven more. It's hard at night to not ruminate. Or when you see a happy couple right when something has fallen apart.

Someday I am going to make a good soup.

Someday I am going to make a good soup.

Someday I am going to make a good soup.

Someday I am going to make a good soup.

Someday I am going to have a family and cook dinner with them at least once a week.

Someday I am going to make a soup.

A soup.